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This Is Me/SMBC (@embracing_us) Instagram Profile Photo embracing_us

This Is Me/SMBC

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image by This Is Me/SMBC (@embracing_us) with caption : "Prepping my body for the journey ahead! Daily rotation of Elevit & Blackmore Conceive Well Gold:-
•supplies nutrients fo" - 1693521449148918947
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Prepping my body for the journey ahead! Daily rotation of Elevit & Blackmore Conceive Well Gold:- •supplies nutrients for healthy ovulation •supports a healthy female reproductive system •supports normal conception . . . . #solomumbychoice

This Is Me/SMBC (@embracing_us) Instagram Profile Photo embracing_us

This Is Me/SMBC

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image by This Is Me/SMBC (@embracing_us) with caption : "I have decided that 2018 will be the year I start a family! 
I’ve so badly wanted to have a baby and despite not plannin" - 1693464902800672233
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I have decided that 2018 will be the year I start a family! I’ve so badly wanted to have a baby and despite not planning/thinking this would be how it happens, I am overjoyed at the prospects of doing this on my own with the support of my family and friends. I am proud of the steps I have already taken and so excited to finally make my dream a reality! 2018 is going to be a great year 👍🏻 BRING IT ON! . . . . bychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

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image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "I lost both my darling babies. 
I’m heart broken. I carried them for almost 16 weeks. Almost 16 weeks of love, joy, exci" - 1691493103388929089
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I lost both my darling babies. I’m heart broken. I carried them for almost 16 weeks. Almost 16 weeks of love, joy, excitement, fear, tears and pain. My waters went on both babies, separately. The membranes ruptured much too early. One twin just before Christmas, and the other on NYE. They think most likely caused by the week long unexplained bleed back in early December. I had spent Christmas mentally preparing to lose one twin, but come June deliver one healthy baby. And then the shock, dread, heartbreak, disbelief I felt on NYE when I got back to London and felt the other one go. All over my shoes and the pavement. The last scan showed that one twin died in utero sometime over the last few weeks. The other had no fluid left, and I was given a less than 5% chance of a live birth - a definite long NICU stay (a few months) - and a high likelihood of serious disability if they survived. I was also told that I was at significant risk of infection from the low lying twin who has already died, and both IVF consultant and obstetrician were concerned about my health and potential womb damage that could impact a future pregnancy. It was the worst decision I have ever had to make. I felt really no choice, both options so bleak. And now I’m left with a sense of emptiness. Of overwhelming sadness. And a mission, to be kind and gentle with myself. To allow my body and heart to repair. Thanks to those special ladies who have messaged me over the last few weeks. I feel a bit lost, like I had joined the community of carrying life, of becoming a mother, the twin community too. And now that life that I’d started to map out, has been torn up. Starting again feels unbearable. I’ve got to find patience from somewhere, to allow myself to heal and then move forward. For those of you who’ve had losses, I’d love to hear your healing stories. I feel squeezed dry of hope right now. Thank god for friends and family who are looking after me Xxx #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "14 weeks +3. I am utterly heartbroken. 💔 A scan yesterday confirmed that my waters broke on the second twin on NYE, at 1" - 1685773513702779622
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14 weeks +3. I am utterly heartbroken. 💔 A scan yesterday confirmed that my waters broke on the second twin on NYE, at 13 weeks +5. After the waters breaking on the first twin at 12 weeks just before Christmas. One twin has no fluid, and has been like that for 3 weeks. The other twin has dangerously reduced fluid (under 1cm). This suggests ruptured membrane of both sacs. While both still have a heartbeat, they are starting to measure small. I was told by the consultant that the prognosis for both babies with such early PPROM (premature rupture of the membrane) is “very poor”. There is likely to be “a significant risk of lung hypoplasia (undeveloped lungs, they need to swallow the fluid for their lungs to develop) leading to early postnatal death, if not earlier inutero death”. Also a reasonable chance of spontaneous miscarriage at any point, and of me developing a serious infection. I’ve been told that the chances of survival are very remote, and if one or both were to survive the risk of serious disability is high. I now have the gut wrenching task of deciding whether to have a medical termination or continue with the pregnancy, knowing the ongoing significant risks to the babies and to me. I just can’t believe this has happened to me. It feels unfair and such bad luck. I’ve had a rough ride over the last 10 years, and so much love, energy and money went into getting pregnant. Thanks for everyone’s support so far, it’s been much appreciated. 💕 #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "Hey ladies. I had my first obstetrician appointment today at UCLH. It was the 12 week scan, although I’m 13 weeks today." - 1679381112826441581
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Hey ladies. I had my first obstetrician appointment today at UCLH. It was the 12 week scan, although I’m 13 weeks today. The scan today showed the same thing as the private scan I had on 20/12. One twin is looking normal, the other twin has no fluid at all so they couldn’t measure or check organs etc. The membrane of that twin has ruptured, likely due to the heavy bleeding I had on holiday. 😞 There is a very remote chance the sac could repair and refill, but very unlikely. He has seen it once before. That twin won’t survive outside the womb (as the lungs definitely won’t develop with a rupture this early). That twin may die in utero, or could continue to grow as the placenta will keep it alive. The consultant had never seen this before in multiples. 😞 He said it was very rare, a 0.4% chance in a singleton pregnancy at this early stage, even less for twins. He said that most women who it happens to (ie before @20 weeks) in a singleton pregnancy elect to terminate the pregnancy due to the minuscule chance of survival. But with twins it is different, as one is viable. Two weeks ago I was told the “best” outcome would be for the twin without fluid to die in utero quickly. Today I’m told that the “best” outcome, would be for the twin without fluid to continue to stay alive inside (it will grow from the placenta) for as long as possible, until the healthy twin is viable. Such a HUGE head fuck... I’m feeling very war weary... This journey is a series of challenges that require so much strength and resilience, but I’m frankly fed up with having to be strong and resilient. I feel resentful that with so many other challenges (solo Mum, ivf) that I “deserved” to have an average pregnancy experience, rather than a very high risk one. But it is what it is, and with a bit of luck I’ll deliver one healthy baby. #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "11 weeks + 1.

I’m now thankfully back in the UK. I went into EPU today. 7 days now of intermittent period like bleeding" - 1669952472372164558
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11 weeks + 1. I’m now thankfully back in the UK. I went into EPU today. 7 days now of intermittent period like bleeding. Twin 1 is absolutely fine, saw it bouncing around and taking gulps of fluid. Twin 2 is not so good sadly. They were concerned and the registrar called in the consultant. 😥😥😥 There is still a normal fetal pole, and normal growth for 11 weeks. But “significantly reduced amniotic fluid” around twin 2. This didn’t show up on either of the two scans I had done in Morocco, and I think this happened yesterday evening as I noticed a gushing into my pad that I thought was blood but was clear liquid. No subchrionic haematoma visible, which is really what I was expecting to see today as the cause of the bleed. The loss of fluid doesn’t completely explain the bleeding for last 7 days. They said everything fine with twin 1. Three possibly outcomes for twin 2: (1) the gestational sac refills with amniotic liquid and the pregnancy continues as normal, it is possible; (2) miscarriage of twin 2 over the next 4-6 weeks; (3) twin 2 continues to grow, but may be deformed due to very low amount of fluid and no space to move around. 😥😥😥 I’m feeling shell shocked. And I have a cracking migraine that came on in the hospital. Also feeling anxious and sad. Having almost reached the 12 weeks milestone - and having now seen both embryos healthy 4 times on 4 separate early scans - I’d started to feel excited at the prospect of having twins. And now I’m also concerned for the healthy twin also, because this can also pose a risk for the healthy baby (infection, or cervix opening). All I can do is rest, try not to worry overly, and wait for the next scan which is 27 December. #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "8 weeks + 2

I had my second pregnancy scan today. Both little beans growing nicely, with two strong heartbeats! 
I was " - 1655378176270227024
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8 weeks + 2 I had my second pregnancy scan today. Both little beans growing nicely, with two strong heartbeats! I was feeling quite anxious the last few days, worrying if one or both were still there. Saw their little arm & leg buds wriggling around, and heard both their heartbeats. Was very lovely. I’m now officially discharged from the clinic, and in the care of my GP! A slight dampener to the day, in that I told my mum tonight on the phone that I was expecting twins. She knew about the IVF & the pregnancy, but I decided not to tell her about twins until a bit further along. I also knew she’d be negative about it, so didn’t want to deal with that if the pregnancy had reduced. So I wasn’t surprised exactly, but just left flat by her reaction. She is a very negative person, and quite narcissistic. She literally didn’t say one positive thing about it. It ranged from “oh god”, “how on earth will you cope”, “it will be worse than doubly hard” and finally “well never mind, it’s still early and anything could happen”. I know that part of it will be concern for me and my health. But mainly I know she’ll be thinking about herself, and the perceived negative impact it might have on her. I know it will be a lot of hard work. But it will also be joyful and rewarding. And I need as much moral support as possible, not negativity! Being a mum is going to hard work. Going through fertility treatment requires superhuman strength. Becoming a solo mum by choice, going through IVF alone, carrying all the responsibility financially and emotionally, having to challenge people’s views of the world. This takes balls of steel! These two beans are gonna be just fine... 💗💗 #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "8 weeks today!

My two embies are now the size of raspberries. 
My next scan is a week today, but as I’m travelling for " - 1653603936965701430
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8 weeks today! My two embies are now the size of raspberries. My next scan is a week today, but as I’m travelling for work early next week I’m going to bring it forward. So maybe Friday... God willing, they’re comfy, healthy & growing nicely. Symptoms are not much different. Sore boobs, tiredness (in bed by 7:45 last night!). I’m still craving cereal for supper, and exotic fruit in the day! Papaya currently my favourite. Mild nausea but thankfully not too bad. A recent addition is a metallic & sour taste in my mouth, which is apparently the changing hormones. I am finding myself worrying a little about miscarriage, but I expect that’s normal and I know that I’m doing the best that I can. Grow little raspberries, grow! #solomumbychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "7 weeks + 1.

I had my first scan a few day ago... TWO little beans growing inside me, both with good heartbeats. 💗💗 I w" - 1649330056482542409
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7 weeks + 1. I had my first scan a few day ago... TWO little beans growing inside me, both with good heartbeats. 💗💗 I was reminded that it’s still early days, so now I’m just taking care of myself each day as best I can and waiting for the next scan in 10 days time. Also trying hard not to look at too many cute outfits on IG! :-) Happy & grateful that I’m this much further on than last round. And everything crossed for the next stage... 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 #solomumbychoice

L E X I    C A L L A W A Y (@diary.of.a.british.bump) Instagram Profile Photo diary.of.a.british.bump

L E X I C A L L A W A Y

image by L E X I    C A L L A W A Y (@diary.of.a.british.bump) with caption : "WEEK 16 UPDATE!!!🤩 13 weeks ago my little bean was the size of a donut sprinkle but last week had grown to the size of a" - 1641986781681724624
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WEEK 16 UPDATE!!!🤩 13 weeks ago my little bean was the size of a donut sprinkle but last week had grown to the size of an entire iced donut👶🏽😍🍩...& I can tell!😳🙈 Baba is clearly having a big growth spurt as my appetite has gone from 0-100000000 over the last few days & despite constant grazing, my tummy permanently rumbles hungry!😅 I can’t believe I’m over 4 months pregnant already!😁 That said, it’s been a great week. 🤗 2 weeks last Monday I had my 16 week consultation & my birth plan was put in place. Unfortunately I had no say in that because due to health reasons, I need a C-section if I go into labour early or not (which is quite possible apparently!)😬. However, we discussed the ‘birth experience’ in detail & I can have my mum in theatre, music playing, skin to skin contact & the umbilical cord left uncut for a while, then cut it myself!😆 I’ve been referred to anti-natal physio & hydrotherapy for my back due to inflammation of my sacroiliac joints & my osteoporosis & I am to go to maternity day unit twice before my 20 week Scan for heartbeat checks.☺️♥️👶🏻 Honestly so grateful for such a wonderful NHS maternity/anti-natal team! 🙏😘 Last Saturday I had a scan which was incredible!👏👶🏼 My baby was super relaxed initially with arms behind the head, legs crossed & just chilling. After a little prodding, bean waved & I saw the feet and hands so clearly you could count the digits👣🖐🏼 The heartbeat was also strong & clear💔. I saw the umbilical cord which clearly looked like a twisty rope & saw a cute little bottom!🍑😍👶🏻 I also found out the gender, which I’m keeping to myself until the birth. 🤩It was the best day of my life so far...I finally feel pregnant & I am so so so happy & overjoyed to be lucky enough to be a mama-to-be! ✨🤰🏻☺️ bychoice

IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) Instagram Profile Photo ivf_solo_mumma

IVF_Solo_Mumma

image by IVF_Solo_Mumma (@ivf_solo_mumma) with caption : "I’m 5 weeks + 2 days pregnant. Today I’m feeling so lucky to have got a BFP, and so anxious about being able to keep the" - 1639098624514467312
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I’m 5 weeks + 2 days pregnant. Today I’m feeling so lucky to have got a BFP, and so anxious about being able to keep the pregnancy. I hadn’t been prepared for this, but of course this is what the TTC journey; and then motherhood is about. One step at a time, one anxiety at a time. Every day is a milestone, and then there is a new challenge or a new anxiety to occupy you. Right now, it’s the fear of a miscarriage wiping out this feeling of relief and joy. It also worry about work, I’m late on deadlines because of time off for treatment, complications post transfer & yesterday a migraine and bad sickness (now can’t take migraine medication as pregnant). I’m traveling long haul next week too, and I’m anxious about the flight and also a presentation that I have to give. All I want to do is ostrich, and stay in bed all day! But know I’ve got to face the world, and get on with life as normal (with a few tweaks to protect the pregnancy). Anyone experienced or experiencing anything similar? I know I’m so lucky to have got a BFP. And I remember feeling cross when I got my BFN last round, at others who were complaining about pregnancy symptoms - as how grateful I’d be to have them. I am, I really am. But I’m also feeling super anxious, about the risk of losing these precious embies... First scan will be in just under 2 weeks. Xxx #solomumbychoice

L E X I    C A L L A W A Y (@diary.of.a.british.bump) Instagram Profile Photo diary.of.a.british.bump

L E X I C A L L A W A Y

image by L E X I    C A L L A W A Y (@diary.of.a.british.bump) with caption : "🌟💗✨To think I am growing a little bean inside me is the most fantastic feeling imaginable...I still can't quite believe " - 1638626264606989109
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🌟💗✨To think I am growing a little bean inside me is the most fantastic feeling imaginable...I still can't quite believe it! 🙈👶🏼☺️ Being in the fertility clinic feeling anxious seems so long ago now as my new adventure along the pregnancy road begins. 👣✨ As I approached week 15 I felt on track with preparation: * Basic maternity clothes ✔️CHECK * Book 16 & 20 week scans ✔️CHECK * Plan the nursery ✔️CHECK * Feel a little bump☺️ ✔️CHECK . * Get appetite back ✔️CHECK Also began to be less sick & nauseous thankfully although still rather tired & dizzy! 😅 Never thought I'd be saying this but I have missed enjoying food!🙈🤣🍰 Just goes to show how much eating disorder recovery IS possible!😝🎉💪 My time now is spent mostly on cuteness overload looking at baby clothes😍, researching baby product reviews & counting down to 2018!🙌 . Baby vest from @nextofficial 😉 bychoice